For years now, decades even, I have been looking for something.
A very particular something.
For years I have imagined that there must be something more than physical therapy to heal a body that hurts.
For years I have imagined that there must be something more than talk therapy to heal a spirit that is anxious, fearful.
For years, I have imagined a healing modality that considers both the mind and the body, deeply connected, and in need of simultaneous attention and growth.
Six years ago, I found NIA, or NIA found me, and for a while, it felt good. A lot of healing took place in that dance space, with friends who became unerring supporters, and walls that absorbed grief, rage, and fear.
But for the last 6 months, NIA has not been healing me. My body has been so sore, so painful, that I truly believed myself to be in need of some sort of surgery to heal me. I have become unable to dance, lift, bend, it's been miserable.
I tried massage, but that just hurt, more. The therapist gave me stretches to do at home, because my back was 'so tight', but the stretches hurt, and did not do much to alleviate my continuing discomfort.
It felt like concrete in my back, and when I was upset or anxious, it hurt more.... so I was becoming more and more aware of the emotional component of my pain.
And then I found the thing I've been searching for...
the magical connection between my mind and my body, where the strengths and capabilities of one grows and strengthens the other.
It's called Feldenkrais, and it is a modality that was created very meticulously. In my practice of this, I learn to slow down.
Slow. Down.
No, slower than that.
Slow.
Down.
This is proving to be quite difficult to learn, because I naturally go fast!
But the ease that I feel in my body when I achieve deliberate movement, careful organisation of myself, planned thoughtful motion - oh, it's magic! I've been working all day, my mid back is burning, my low back is tight, one side of my butt hurts - but I know that if I call upon my self-discipline, and go lay on the floor and reorganise how my bones and muscles are connected and speaking to each other, I can make ALL of the discomfort go away.
My teacher tells me that I might become addicted to this, I don't think she realises that it is already happening! It is SO thrilling to feel better than I have felt in months, years. It is SO lovely to be able to sit on the floor and play with a bunny, and not be uncomfortable when I want to get up. It is so lovely to be able to go out and walk in the winter sunshine.
And it is so wonderful to NOT be reliant on another human to heal me, but to be learning how to do it for and by myself. My teacher works WITH my body, not ON my body, and she connects the work to my mind as we go along, so that, as one of my favorite NIA songs says "we are all connected", and by 'we' I mean "all the parts of me"! I love it!
Monday, February 25, 2019
Thursday, February 21, 2019
Breakfast with a Gadget
We all love a new gadget, don't we? Something we think we can't live without... and then after a couple of weeks the novelty wears off, and it sits neglected in a dusty corner somewhere until we have to move house and then we donate it!
Sigh.
Sometimes, however, the new gadget actually succeeds. Sometimes it quietly asserts itself into your life and you truly do use it often, it truly does make life easier or, in this case, food healthier.
This little thing is fantastic!!!!!
It's a breakfast sandwich maker, made by Hamilton Beach, and you can get it for 20-25 bucks at all the usual places.
It looks a little gimmicky, I know, but it's magic! You just pre-heat it, and then throw half a muffin in the bottom, with a little cooked sausage or bacon and maybe a sprinkling of cheese, and then you put the next section down and there's a little plate for your egg to cook on (so it doesn't all ooze out of the sides like it does in a regular panini press), a little seasoning on the egg, top half of the muffin on top, close the lid, set the timer for 4 minutes, and breakfast is made!
I know, I hear you, you can buy breakfast sandwiches pre-made in the freezer section, it's true. But holy cow, do you know how much fat and grossness is in those things? This little machine cuts calories like you would not believe! You can use wheat or whole grain muffins. You can use a whole real actual egg. You can drain all the fat off the sausage, or use Canadian bacon (nitrate free if you like), you can add diced peppers, sliced tomatoes, different kinds of cheese. You can go a little mediterranean with your veggies and spices, or skip the meat and be veggie, you can even skip the egg (although it does seem a shame to do that when the egg cooks so beautifully on that little plate!), it's fantastic! We went all philly cheesesteak one day because we had leftover steak in the fridge - threw strips of steak and some cheese in the bottom, veggies on the plate, it was scrumptious! No perservatives, no freezer burn, no extraneous calories - who doesn't want that?
We got this because my man needs a little protein in his morning, cereal just doesn't cut it for him when he's heading out for the day, and I really didn't like the frozen section option that he'd been used to reaching for. And now, once or twice a week we spend 15 minutes making sandwiches and boxing them up for breakfasts, and everyone is happy!
The people at Hamilton Beach have no idea that I'm saying all of this about their product, but I figure if anyone is on the fence about whether it would be useful or not, reading this might help them to decide what to do! It does take a little time, but really, not much more than it takes to get the sandwich out of the freezer, unwrap it from the plastic, and nuke it til it's vaguely edible. And you get a much nicer sandwich if you make it yourself, so it's worth that little bit of effort.
Sigh.
Sometimes, however, the new gadget actually succeeds. Sometimes it quietly asserts itself into your life and you truly do use it often, it truly does make life easier or, in this case, food healthier.
This little thing is fantastic!!!!!
 |
| https://www.hamiltonbeach.com/breakfast-sandwich-maker-25475 |
It's a breakfast sandwich maker, made by Hamilton Beach, and you can get it for 20-25 bucks at all the usual places.
It looks a little gimmicky, I know, but it's magic! You just pre-heat it, and then throw half a muffin in the bottom, with a little cooked sausage or bacon and maybe a sprinkling of cheese, and then you put the next section down and there's a little plate for your egg to cook on (so it doesn't all ooze out of the sides like it does in a regular panini press), a little seasoning on the egg, top half of the muffin on top, close the lid, set the timer for 4 minutes, and breakfast is made!
I know, I hear you, you can buy breakfast sandwiches pre-made in the freezer section, it's true. But holy cow, do you know how much fat and grossness is in those things? This little machine cuts calories like you would not believe! You can use wheat or whole grain muffins. You can use a whole real actual egg. You can drain all the fat off the sausage, or use Canadian bacon (nitrate free if you like), you can add diced peppers, sliced tomatoes, different kinds of cheese. You can go a little mediterranean with your veggies and spices, or skip the meat and be veggie, you can even skip the egg (although it does seem a shame to do that when the egg cooks so beautifully on that little plate!), it's fantastic! We went all philly cheesesteak one day because we had leftover steak in the fridge - threw strips of steak and some cheese in the bottom, veggies on the plate, it was scrumptious! No perservatives, no freezer burn, no extraneous calories - who doesn't want that?
We got this because my man needs a little protein in his morning, cereal just doesn't cut it for him when he's heading out for the day, and I really didn't like the frozen section option that he'd been used to reaching for. And now, once or twice a week we spend 15 minutes making sandwiches and boxing them up for breakfasts, and everyone is happy!
The people at Hamilton Beach have no idea that I'm saying all of this about their product, but I figure if anyone is on the fence about whether it would be useful or not, reading this might help them to decide what to do! It does take a little time, but really, not much more than it takes to get the sandwich out of the freezer, unwrap it from the plastic, and nuke it til it's vaguely edible. And you get a much nicer sandwich if you make it yourself, so it's worth that little bit of effort.
Monday, February 18, 2019
The One.
Today I have to tell you where I've been for the last 3 years, and why there hasn't been time for blogging.... (I notice that I intended to write this post a year ago, and then somehow didn't get around to it!).
Early in 2016, I met someone.
And when I say 'someone' what I really mean is 'The One'.
The One who makes your heart beat faster. The One who takes care of you when you're well and when you're sick. The One who makes you laugh like no-one else can. The One who drops everything and holds you when you cry, because what makes you so sad that you need to cry is important to him, just because it's important to you.
The One who tells you not to ratchet yourself down, not to hold part of yourself back, The One who encourages you to live full throttle, wholeheartedly, even though it scares some people, intimidates some people, makes some people envious, insecure, even angry. The One who tells you that he wants to know you, all of you, the super-smart-overachieving-can-do-everything-you-turn-your-hand-to corners of you that you usually try to hide from people, because your mother said you were 'too much', because your ex-husband said you 'made him feel stupid when you could solve problems that he could not'.
The One who makes your heart beat faster. The One who takes care of you when you're well and when you're sick. The One who makes you laugh like no-one else can. The One who drops everything and holds you when you cry, because what makes you so sad that you need to cry is important to him, just because it's important to you.
The One who tells you not to ratchet yourself down, not to hold part of yourself back, The One who encourages you to live full throttle, wholeheartedly, even though it scares some people, intimidates some people, makes some people envious, insecure, even angry. The One who tells you that he wants to know you, all of you, the super-smart-overachieving-can-do-everything-you-turn-your-hand-to corners of you that you usually try to hide from people, because your mother said you were 'too much', because your ex-husband said you 'made him feel stupid when you could solve problems that he could not'.
The One who lets you in, who shows you his weaknesses, his flaws, cautiously, carefully, worried that you might change your mind about him, but determined that you should know the whole person anyway. The One you love, precisely because he is not perfect, and because he is brave, funny, kind, smart. Because his hugs feel like home. Because his smile makes you smile. Because his love makes you better. Because he makes you want to love him in ways that make him better.
Him. I met him! And it has been the most amazing time!
We are real, we don't live in a fairy-tale, there are rough times, tough times, there are days when we don't understand each other, there are weeks when we both work so hard we barely see each other.
And then there are times when we have no children and no homework (he's in school right now, it's a LOT!), and there is time to talk to each other, time to watch tv together, time to each work on our own thing but know that the other one is sitting right there doing their thing, too. There is time for dancing, and napping, and more talking. There is time for 'do we wanna go out to eat, or shall we just scrounge up some leftovers?' because with just us two, we don't have to cook if we don't feel like it. Heaven!
It is an immensely powerful, life-altering thing, to be loved and accepted exactly how you are. It takes time, to learn to truly trust it, to really believe that it's actually working and lasting and isn't about to implode in your face. It takes more time when the last time you put yourself out there, someone treated you badly, someone cheated, someone lied, someone gave up and walked away. It takes time to trust that this person is not walking away, that when they say they are staying, they actually mean it, and they actually stay. We have had days where one of us felt like the other was on the verge of letting go, when we knew that this day would have broken our previous relationships - and it has taken courage to work through those days, to trust each other, and to believe in the power of two people choosing each other.
But we're here. It's been a wild and crazy ride, and it's about to go off on a new tangent, but I'll tell you about that another day!
Him. I met him! And it has been the most amazing time!
We are real, we don't live in a fairy-tale, there are rough times, tough times, there are days when we don't understand each other, there are weeks when we both work so hard we barely see each other.
And then there are times when we have no children and no homework (he's in school right now, it's a LOT!), and there is time to talk to each other, time to watch tv together, time to each work on our own thing but know that the other one is sitting right there doing their thing, too. There is time for dancing, and napping, and more talking. There is time for 'do we wanna go out to eat, or shall we just scrounge up some leftovers?' because with just us two, we don't have to cook if we don't feel like it. Heaven!
It is an immensely powerful, life-altering thing, to be loved and accepted exactly how you are. It takes time, to learn to truly trust it, to really believe that it's actually working and lasting and isn't about to implode in your face. It takes more time when the last time you put yourself out there, someone treated you badly, someone cheated, someone lied, someone gave up and walked away. It takes time to trust that this person is not walking away, that when they say they are staying, they actually mean it, and they actually stay. We have had days where one of us felt like the other was on the verge of letting go, when we knew that this day would have broken our previous relationships - and it has taken courage to work through those days, to trust each other, and to believe in the power of two people choosing each other.
But we're here. It's been a wild and crazy ride, and it's about to go off on a new tangent, but I'll tell you about that another day!
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