THERE it is!

For years now, decades even, I have been looking for something.

A very particular something.

For  years I have imagined that there must be something more than physical therapy to heal a body that hurts.

For years I have imagined that there must be something more than talk therapy to heal a spirit that is anxious, fearful.

For years, I have imagined a healing modality that considers both the mind and the body, deeply connected, and in need of simultaneous attention and growth.

Six years ago, I found NIA, or NIA found me, and for a while, it felt good.  A lot of healing took place in that dance space, with friends who became unerring supporters, and walls that absorbed grief, rage, and fear.

But for the last 6 months, NIA has not been healing me.  My body has been so sore, so painful, that I truly believed myself to be in need of some sort of surgery to heal me.  I have become unable to dance, lift, bend, it's been miserable.

I tried massage, but that just hurt, more.  The therapist gave me stretches to do at home, because my back was 'so tight', but the stretches hurt, and did not do much to alleviate my continuing discomfort.

It felt like concrete in my back, and when I was upset or anxious, it hurt more.... so I was becoming more and more aware of the emotional component of my pain.

And then I found the thing I've been searching for...

the magical connection between my mind and my body, where the strengths and capabilities of one grows and strengthens the other.

It's called Feldenkrais, and it is a modality that was created very meticulously. In my practice of this, I learn to slow down.

Slow. Down.

No, slower than that.

Slow.

Down.

This is proving to be quite difficult to learn, because I naturally go fast!

But the ease that I feel in my body when I achieve deliberate movement, careful organisation of myself, planned thoughtful motion - oh, it's magic!  I've been working all day, my mid back is burning, my low back is tight, one side of my butt hurts - but I know that if I call upon my self-discipline, and go lay on the floor and reorganise how my bones and muscles are connected and speaking to each other, I can make ALL of the discomfort go away.

My teacher tells me that I might become addicted to this, I don't think she realises that it is already happening!  It is SO thrilling to feel better than I have felt in months, years.  It is SO lovely to be able to sit on the floor and play with a bunny, and not be uncomfortable when I want to get up.  It is so lovely to be able to go out and walk in the winter sunshine.

And it is so wonderful to NOT be reliant on another human to heal me, but to be learning how to do it for and by myself.  My teacher works WITH my body, not ON my body, and she connects the work to my mind as we go along, so that, as one of my favorite NIA songs says "we are all connected", and by 'we' I mean "all the parts of me"!  I love it!